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Online Dating: How to Stay Clear of Married Men
by Kelli Bailor
Online dating can be extremely productive and fun. But there
are some men in the online world who choose to use online dating as a mask
for their true marital status. It is very easy for one to be dishonest in
who they truly are online. In fact, according to MSNBC, research shows that
one third of people using online dating services are married! And it doesn’t
help when some dating sites out there, like
Udate, do not differentiate between divorced and separated, making it
even more convenient for a man to lie about his marital status.
Most women who use online dating services have more than likely run into
a married man sometime in their online dating experience. Many women ask
what it is that they need to do to protect them, and to be more alert at
identifying married men. While these are not sure-fire ways of deciphering
if he is married, here are a few tips that may assist you in your detection
of the married man:
He chooses not to post a picture of himself online, or he posts a picture
that may be very dark and difficult to pick him out of a crowd.
Most married men do not want their picture out there for everyone to see.
They don’t want to risk that slim chance that some one they know could
possibly recognize them. Instead of posting their photos online, they may
choose to email you a picture to your personal email address. This is much
safer for them, because it is not likely that you know someone that they
know who could recognize their photo.
He will likely be the one to initiate the first contact.
Online dating sites make it very easy for both men and women to initiate
first contact. It can be an even split between you starting contact or the
man starting contact. But, in most cases, the married man will send the
first form of communication, whether that is a chat message or a short
email.
Married men often times will use a short introduction and then
immediately ask you questions to better identify your personality type. They
will very rarely say much about themselves and what they are like in that
first communication to you. Some married men tend to have a ‘type’ that they
are looking for, but most of them just seek out someone who seems
interesting to them. They may also be in search of someone who may seem very
trusting and naïve, and someone who could possibly be easily manipulated.
These details can be very difficult to ascertain for a married man who is
new to the online dating world, but there are also ‘professional married
men’ who do have experience with online dating and deception, and they know
just the right questions to ask. The first few communications shared are
what they use to decipher if you could be an easy target.
He may be very irregular or erratic about his responses back to you.
Obviously, married men have ‘family lives’, so they may not be as available
to get online and respond to you as quickly as men who are single and have
lots of free time on their hands. If he seems to be responding at set times
(such as 10 PM weekdays) and his responses are very irregular in the amount
of days between emails, there is a possibility that he has a wife and maybe
even kids at home that take up his time. It could also be that he is just a
very busy person with either work or outside life events. But, this detail
should closely be watched and scrutinized when meeting a new person online.
He requests your phone number, but will not give you his number.
Married men will usually request your phone number fairly quickly after the
first initial contact. He may use a line like “Hey, I’d really like to hear
your voice on the phone. Could I get your number?”
If a man requests your number, but does not offer his own in that same email
or chat message, you may not want to share your number with him just yet. It
might be a better idea to write back, requesting he share his number with you
first. Or you could choose to give him a cell number instead.
Whatever you decide to do, just be very careful with your first initial
phone conversation with him. If you have chosen to go ahead and give out
your number without getting his, be sure that you ask for his number when he
does finally call you. Chances are, that if he is married, he is either
calling you from a phone other then his home phone, or he has some blocking
feature that will keep you from getting his number if when you use the
number call-back feature on your phone (or call waiting).
Just because a man may not offer his phone number when requesting yours,
does not necessarily mean that he is married or has anything to hide. He may
just be one of those men who is very old fashioned, and refuses to have the
women make that first call. But, if he is a believer in calling the woman
first, he will more than likely tell you that when he replies to your
request. He will probably also give you his number without any qualms. If it
is his home number that he gives you, then you are probably pretty safe to
assume that he is likely not married.
His calls to you are very irregular, or are at set times.
You may be getting phone calls from him very frequently, or maybe the calls
are more irregular. Married men have to call you on their own convenience.
They may choose to call you late on weekdays or weekends, or they may call
as soon as they get off work. They have to schedule their times around their
married lives to make time to call you. Married men who work nights tend to
call women while they are on a break. This could be very late in the
evenings. Be very aware of the times that he is calling you. Ask yourself
questions, such as
1) Does it always seem to be about the same time that
he calls?
2) Are the calls frequent, or do they fluctuate?
3) Where is he calling you from?
Things like this are ways to identify if he could possibly be leading a
double life.
He will only share his cell number with you.
Most men who have nothing to hide will share both their cell phone number
and home number with you. They want to be available for your phone calls. If
a man will only give you his cell number, and is not willing to share his
home number with you, then there should be red flags going up. If he is
married, then obviously he does not want you calling him at home because
there is too much risk of his wife or children finding out about you. Watch
for him to use an excuse like that he is never home, and that the cell is
always on him, thus being the “best way” to catch him.
You have his cellular number, but constantly are forced to leave a message.
Again, this is a convenience thing for him. By you leaving a message, it
gives him time to schedule when he can return your call, because more then
likely he is with his wife or with someone that he does not want to know
that he is having an affair. You may even have to wait hours before he is
able to return your call, with some story about not having his cell on him,
or the phone being in a place where he didn’t have reception. If it takes
quite a bit of time for him to return your call, chances are that he is busy
with family or friends and does not feel safe to make a quick call to you.
Plus, he needs time to work out a story he can tell you as to why he did not
answer, or why it took him so long to return your call.
He won’t share his last name with you.
Married men tend to be very protective of themselves and whom they allow to
know their true full names. They don’t want to give out their real last name
for the fear that you could look them up in the local phonebook, or even
find them in an online name search. If he is unwilling to give you his last
name, particularly after you’ve entered into the phone phase of your
communication, another red flag should be going up. You should be
questioning why it is that he will not tell you his last name.
Unfortunately, there are married men out there who use aliases, so it is
all the more difficult for you to detect if he is married or not. Trust your
instincts, and do a little searching of their names if they give you a last
name. You can even jokingly ask to see his “driver’s license” picture. If he
gets real defensive then he may have something to hide (besides an ugly
driver’s license photo).
He is very secretive about where he lives.
In the first couple of dates, it is very understandable that neither party
wants to share their home addresses. But once you two start to see more of
each other, that question is definitely going to arise, especially if you
have entered or are in the process of entering into an intimate relationship
with him. He may insist that he has roommates and would much rather prefer
to go to your place. He may also tell you that his home is just not ready
for company, meaning that his maid has not shown up for weeks. But if he
keeps putting you off about seeing where he lives, then chances are he is
hiding something from you – like a wife!
He does not divulge much info about himself or his family and upbringing.
As you start to communicate more over the phone and in person, you both
really want to know more about the other person and what kind of experiences
your partner has been through. Married men will do just about anything to
steer clear of that conversation with you. They may turn the tables on you,
and make you tell them everything about yourself, and get you to talking in
order to turn the attention off of them. Some men may just tell you that
there is really nothing to tell, and that they have lead a boring life up
until they met you. They may even try to change the subject entirely, and
get you focused on something completely different. Ladies, if he is not
willing to talk about himself and his family and where he grew up, then he
is definitely trying to hide something from you, whether that is his past,
or his present.
You never get the chance to meet his friends or family.
When people are truly interested in someone, they are extremely eager to
share you with their friends and family. They want to show you off to the
people who mean the most to them. With married men, this is not the case for
obvious reasons. They do not want you to meet their friends or family, and
they do not want them to meet you. You are a secret in his life, and you
must stay that way. Instead, you will find that you are sharing your friends
and family with him. When going out with other couples, they will be friends
of yours and not of his. Be very aware of this aspect in your new
relationship. If he is not willing to allow you to even meet his friends,
let alone his family, then there is something wrong.
Conclusion
Online dating is a great way for single people to meet, but it is also a
very convenient method for married men to use in order to target single
women. Women have to be very careful with their online communication with
men in order to stay away from these losers. There are a lot risks out there
that women must acknowledge. Meeting married men is one of those risks that
women face when using an online dating service.
Be smart and listen to your woman’s intuition when it comes to the men
you’re dating. Utilize this information in this article to help keep you
safe from becoming a target to the married men out there.
Publisher of
Online Dating Magazine
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