When I was in high school, I was desperately in love with the captain of the soccer team. But what girl in my class wasn't? He was tall, handsome, beautifully built, smart, funny and white. I, on the other hand, was class president, pretty, smart, sassy and black. But to him, I was virtually invisible.
After weeks of incessant flirting, I finally gave up. I dusted off my ego and chalked the defeat up to the fact that the homecoming queen had cast a spell over him. But in the back of my mind, I had the sinking suspicion that his disinterest had more to do with my black than her beauty.
Stirring the pot
Times have changed in the few (ahem!) years since high school. Gone are the days when white and black, Latino and other ethnicities had cultures so different and far removed that one group could almost not relate to another. While these cultures still remain very different, the American melting pot has truly taken hold over the past 10 years.
The so-called Generations X and Y have become the embodiment of cultural globalization. These generations embraced the music, fashion and language of various ethnicities, allowing an evolution to take place where so many races and cultures have more in common than not. And yes, this evolution includes the dating revolution.
With this theory in tow, I decided to ask some of my friends about their interracial relationships.
Diving into the mix
I talked to four couples, all in their twenties and some newly thirty. One couple a black woman and her white Jewish boyfriend, the second couple a black man and his white girlfriend, the next an Indian woman and her white fiancйe and finally a black woman and her Dominican boyfriend.
When I asked each of them why they were dating outside of their race, each told me it was because of the person, not because they were looking for a partner to be of a specific race. I asked about the hardships in their relationships, most were personality issues, rather than cultural.
I was waiting for some stereotypes, like black women date white men because "there aren't any good black men," or white men date women of color because it was "exotic" to them. Simply not true. The black women said they'd had some winners and some losers while dating within their race, but the decision to date their current partners had nothing to do with a race-specific bad experience.
One of the black women said simply, "I love men. I want a good one - black white, Latin, Asian, whatever. I want someone who complements me, and I don't think that the man of my dreams can only be found in one race or ethnicity."
Let's see... I've dated, black, white, Latin, Indian, bi-racial and Filipino. They were all fabulous in their own way. Most surprised me with their knowledge of my culture and were more than happy to help me explore theirs. In my dating adventures, I've sampled Latin cuisine, learned Asian customs and the Hebrew word for love and managed to discover that love comes in every color and language in the universe.
Is this a just a trend, or have we finally realized that it's not the package, but the person?
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